GPS – The Proud Onlooker, Grandchildren

by Rick Shrader

Note: This series will consist of five phases: Created-parenting, Pre-parenting, Parenting, Post-parenting, Grand-parenting. Each of these phases will have four sections.

Section 1. The Proud Onlooker—Grandchildren

“For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children; that the generation to come might know them, the children who would be born, that they may arise and declare them to their children” (Psalm 78:5-6). Grandparenting! This stage in life is not only the best, it is the most important. It is the best because there is nothing quite so great as seeing your children have children and giving you a grandbaby. But grandparenting is also the most important stage of life. “The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, if it is found in the way of righteousness” (Prov. 16:31). Our time and culture need these godly examples now more than ever!

When the first little ones come

Becoming a grandparent is one of the great moments in life. There is a special attachment between grandparents and grandchildren. There is also that proud moment when your daughter or son becomes what you were just a few years ago.

Your child is now a parent. That moment is both satisfying and unsettling. The joy of seeing your daughter holding a precious little one near her breast and watching the love that can only come from a new mother is a divinely formed moment. Eve (the “mother of all living”) held little Cain in her lap with all the wonder of a new creation. Seeing a newborn with his mother always has that same feeling. It is also unsettling to realize how many years ago it was that you held this daughter in your lap as a newborn one! The cycle of life becomes a reality at that moment!

That special attachment. J. Vernon McGee wrote, “I have a little grandson, and you cannot imagine what it means to an old man to have his grandson crawl up in his lap, put his little arms around him, and say, ‘You are my grandpa.’ It is quite wonderful” (on Psalm 16). That little one may turn away from every other older person, but she comes running into your arms with all faith and trust. They will steal your heart!

The family genes. At this unique moment also, you begin to understand how family genealogy works. Gene Veith, Jr. pointedly wrote, “We carry in our every cell the genes of our parents and of all of our ancestors, going all the way back to Adam and Eve. We contain within ourselves everyone who preceded us. So we are not just autonomous individuals, but members of a family and part of human history” (Post Christian, 127-128). You begin to physically see the traces of past grandparents in that little one too. You wish they were here to see their legacy continuing.

What is a grandparent?

The average age of new grandparents is usually in the later 50s, and once you enter that stage you never leave. You are now at the place where you are retired (or soon will be) and are now narrowing your focus on the time and ministry God has given you. Many challenges of older age will come but, all of a sudden, grandparenting becomes a top priority.

They are still your kids.  Your son or daughter left a large part of your care when they got married. It took some time getting used to your child being gone and having a life of his/her own. I used to jokingly say that when a young man wanted to marry my daughter I would give him a very rough time. But when a young lady wanted to marry my son I would say, “Really, and you would feed him and everything?” Joking aside, these young adults never cease being your children. And these grandchildren will always be the children of your very children.

They are not your kids. At the same time, they are not yours. You have to begin letting go in certain ways. After all, you have spent your adult life training and preparing that child to be on his or her own. You handed that precious daughter to that young man when the minister asked, “who gives this woman to be married to this man?” So we will see in this last section of our study that always having, but gradually letting go, is the reality of our older years.

Handling the 5th commandment. “‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth’” (Eph. 6:2-3). I don’t believe we are ever relieved of this responsibility. But now you are on the other side of the admonition. As the elder in the family, you are the one to be honored. But here’s the catch: you just want to love and help in any way you can. Sometimes honor comes and sometimes it doesn’t, and in a way that is all right with you. However, honor is important, and just as you once insisted that your kids earn trust, you now must earn honor. It will come in due time.

What is your responsibility?

In many areas of senior life, responsibilities wane and you become less involved or take on fewer assignments. In the area of grandparenting, you are taking on new responsibilities that continue to grow as your children and grandchildren grow. As I have said, this is a great time in your life but it is not a time to let down or become uninvolved. Sometimes grandparents are close-by and are more physically involved while others are more remote and those responsibilities are more long-distance.

Modeling the gospel. The most important responsibility of grandparenting is the modeling of the gospel to the generations that follow. “Now when I am old and gray headed, O God, do not forsake me until I declare your strength to this generation” (Psa. 71:18). Josh Mulvihill’s survey of how grandparents see their role showed that 16% saw themselves as an encouraging voice; 32% as a supportive partner; 28% as a loving friend; and only 24% as a disciple-maker (Grandparenting, 176). All of those characteristics are important, but none as much as influencing our children and grandchildren toward salvation. The most difficult aspect is finding an effective way of doing it when you are separated by distance and many years (and sometimes by family problems). Remember that prayer is never a long-distance call nor affected by time and distance. Also, consider the amazing ability we have these days to interact immediately through various means of technology.

Telling the stories. Some of my favorite family pictures are the ones where grandpa or grandma is sitting in a chair with a grandchild on the lap while reading a story together. The early days of grandparenting were easier. When my grandchildren would come to our house, the first thing they did was go to the book box, grab their favorite one, and run to grandpa’s lap. But now that they are teenage to adult, the story telling must be a little more creative. I don’t limit “story telling” to children’s books of course. I’m talking about ways to speak biblical truth into the ears of the next generation. This is done by testimony, example, writing, speaking, and sometimes the privilege of having one on one conversations with those who need it most. It can be done if we watch for God to open those doors.

Staying the course. I have been advocating that the older generation stay the course in their convictions, habits, church life, and basic life-style. The world and culture around us cause us to change those things far more than we desire anyway. But we don’t need to become teenagers again, nor even young adults, nor do I believe we should. I realize that seniors always become somewhat out of place, and always outdated in their tastes and habits. I believe that this is actually important and necessary for the next generation to have our witness among them, i.e., the witness of a time different from theirs and in many ways better. Regardless, it was our time and a time we lived, believed, and practiced our convictions. There was nothing wrong with it. So don’t throw the senior out with the generational bathwater. He still has many good uses.