GPS – Full House, Growing Years
by Rick Shrader
Note: This series will consist of five phases: Created-Parenting, Pre-Parenting, Parenting, Post-Parenting, and Grand-Parenting. Each of these phases will have four sections.
Third Phase: Parenting (series articles 9-12)
Section Two: Full House-Growing Years (article #10)
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth’” (Exod. 20:12). Parents only have about 18 years to inculcate their values into their children. As children come into the home, issues of discipline, obedience, and salvation become important. During those years the children will have numerous others voices competing with mom and dad.
Child Discipline
The second table of the law begins with an admonition to the family. Loving our neighbor as ourselves must begin by training our children to train their children. This only happens through attentive parents.
The 5th commandment. The command to honor parents has no end in this life. A child of fifty during the crossing of the Jordon was just as responsible to honor his parents as when he was ten at the crossing of the Red Sea. The forms of obedience will change with time, but godly parents will always attract obedient children of all ages.
Prov. 22:6. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” This has been one of the most challenging verses in the book of Proverbs because it doesn’t always seem to work out the right way, and so it often brings discouragement or conviction to parents who have tried hard to follow this verse. How do we balance this verse with Eph. 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath”? It is said of Martin Luther that his father was so stern that he found it difficult to pray, “Our Father” and found rather “spare the rod and spoil the child” to be wiser counsel.
Charles Ryrie offers a different angle on the verse when he says the phrase “the way he should go” should be taken “according to his way; i.e., the child’s habits and interests. The instruction must take into account his individuality and inclinations.” (Ryrie Study Bible, 968). This would allow the parent some variation for each child (a practical thing almost all parents do). Robert Alden, however, counters by asking, “Does this mean teach a child the way he should go (KJV and traditional view), or the way he goes? . . . The traditional view seems to fit better” (in Proverbs, 160). However, a third option may find a middle ground.
Truisms. John MacArthur says, “That [false] notion is based on a misunderstanding of the nature of the Proverbs. These are wise sayings and truisms—not necessarily inviolable rules” (Successful Christian Parenting, 17). Köstenberger also says, “While this should not be considered a divine promise, it is the product of keen and solid observation of what usually occurs in life, and this should be taken seriously” (God, Marriage, and Family, 94). Derek Kidner says, “Even the best training cannot install wisdom, but only encourage the choice to seek it” (Proverbs, 51). “There are exceptions to this observation, but generally, where there is good education, the impressions of it do not easily wear off” (John Gill, Proverbs, 548).
One thing is for sure, if we as parents do not train our children in the way they should go, they certainly will depart from it! In a day when almost all public and cultural influences are unbiblical (or at least non-biblical), it is more necessary than ever to have children under the constant training of God’s Word both in church and at home.
Child Training
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Someone said training a child is easier than disciplining a teen. A lack of, or excess of discipline can be detrimental.
The child’s nature. Children are born with a sinful nature. When David said, “In sin my mother conceived me” (Psa. 51:5), he was not saying his mother had a child out of wedlock. He was admitting his own innate sinfulness before God. Though every child is born in the image of God, every child comes into the world with Adam’s fallen nature. Paul wrote, “I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members” (Rom. 7:23). Without proper guidance and correction, that human nature will naturally rebel against God’s laws. Any serious-minded parent sees this clearly.
Punishment. The word “nurture” (paideia) in the verse above, is where we get the word “pediatrics.” It is also the root word for “chastisement.” It means child-training and this training requires positive and negative instruction. As parents, we enjoy the positive encouragement much more than the negative discipline. God’s instruction of His children includes both and so should ours. Too much negative can discourage, and too much positive can spoil.
The word “rod” appears 9 times in the book of Proverbs and each time it refers to child discipline. Corporeal punishment is taught in the Bible. This does not lend to abuse but loving correction. Robert Alden writes, “Verses 23:13-14 [“he will not die . . . deliver his soul from hell”], like other child-discipline verses, encourage occasional spanking. Children may think they’re going to die from such treatment, but the paddling should produce just the opposite effect. Discipline will save children by forcing out of them the very foolishness that may lead them to an early grave (the Hebrew word in verse 14 is sheol)” (Proverbs, 169).
Tedd Tripp (Shepherding a Child’s Heart, p. 112) lists seven positive results of using the rod in a biblical way (I’ve added the verse references). It shows God’s authority over mom and dad (19:18); it trains a child to be under authority (23:26); it demonstrates parental love (13:24); it yields a harvest of peace (22:15); it bears wonderful fruit (29:15); it returns a child to a place of blessing (23:14); and it promotes an atmosphere of closeness (29:17).
Disobedience. Since children are commanded to obey their parents “in the Lord” (Eph. 6:1), to disobey parents is to disobey God. The only limit on this is if a sinful parent asks a believing child to do something sinful. The phrase “disobedient to parents” appears twice in the New Testament. The first is in Romans 1:30 where it appears in a list of 23 of the most terrible sins which result in a “reprobate mind.” The second is in 2 Timothy 3:2 where the phrase appears among sins in the “last days” when “perilous times will come.” Andreas Köstenberger and David Jones say, “In the Old Testament honoring one’s parents is mandated, while disobedience toward one’s parents is put on the same level as treason and idol worship (Marriage and the Family, 69).
Leading Children to Christ
This is an area I think is very lacking in child raising literature. Perhaps that is due to the often-referred-to abuse of saying a prayer as a magic formula. That surely happens and too often. Sometimes mom or dad are more anxious for the child to believe than the child. However, we must not let the abuse of this important step keep us from our God-given responsibility.
The silence. For some reason even Christian parents are silent about explaining the gospel to their children. This must come often and over time. Bed-time stories, family prayer, examples of witnessing, attending a gospel teaching church, are all necessary steps in preparing the child’s heart for faith. Matthew Henry once wrote, “When a child is born, there is a candle lighted that must burn for eternity, either in heaven or hell; the consideration whereof should awaken us to pray with all possible earnestness for the salvation of their souls, next to our own.” Parents are the primary God-given agents in a child’s salvation.
The difficulty. There is an age of accountability for sin when the child is aware of his need for salvation. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Mk 19:14). It may be easier for a child who has simple faith to believe, than for many adults who have a head full of mixed up notions about salvation.
Theologian Adreas Köstenberger, a man who has written extensively and carefully on children and families, described his own child’s salvation experience: “He was barely four years old, and he and I were in worship. He told me he needed to leave (for a restroom break), so I went with him. While there, he took the opportunity to ask me a spiritual question. One thing led to another, and by the time we left the bathroom, I had led him to a saving knowledge of Christ” (Equipping for Life, 106). The time will come. Be ready with a scriptural response.
The reward. Our four children all made professions of faith as young children, and all were baptized after that on that profession of faith. All are now serving God as adults and have led their own children to the Lord. “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 4).
With all of the fears, failures, and objections to children being saved at an early age, here are six objectives that become safeguards. 1) Realizing the advantages of a Christian home environment. 2) Knowing when a child comes to his age of accountability. 3) Avoiding clichés and magic formulas. 4) Knowing the irreducible minimum of a biblical salvation experience. 5) Realizing when a child willingly comes to a time of decision. 6) Welcoming and encouraging the blessing of a child’s new faith. May the Lord help all Christian parents to be faithful in this most important endeavor.
