GPS – The Gray Champion, Toddlers

by Rick Shrader

Note: This series will consist of five phases: Created-parenting, Pre-parenting, Parenting, Post-parenting, Grand-parenting. Each of these phases will have four sections.

Section 2. The Gray Champion—Toddlers

The title of this article is taken from Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Twice Told Tales. The story is about a striking mythical figure who appears in the Boston Rebellion of 1689 to encourage the Puritan citizens in their quest for faith and liberty. Having read it many years ago, I often picture such an older one being a godly grandparent who appears from time to time in the grandchildren’s lives to encourage them in their quest for faith in the midst of “a crooked and perverse generation” (Phil. 2:15).

Grandparents wait for the day when they can hold those little ones and rock them to sleep in their arms. You look into those little eyes and wonder about the times in which they will live. David’s blessing, which he put at the end of Psalm 128, that great family Psalm reads, “The LORD bless you out of Zion, and may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children’s children. And peace upon Israel” (Psa. 128:5-6).

Best Buddies

Being a grandparent is somewhat like being a parent again for the first time. That little life is totally dependent on others for protection and care. They trust your grasp of them knowing no fear in their small world. It is a blessed moment and a moment to cherish while you have it.

This time passes quickly. All the world seems to stop at this time, but we know it doesn’t. It won’t be long until you are looking at that little one in a family album of long ago memories. So put aside other priorities and cling to this one in the time you now have. You are a champion of adulthood and virtue to a new life that must be lived in the present time. Enjoy that little trusting face that looks at you and smiles, not knowing any other concern in life.

Grandpa and Grandma are really grand! This time when the grandchildren are toddlers is precious because there will come the natural growth into young adulthood when it’s not so “cool” to give hugs and kisses. That time is important also, but you will cherish the time you were the gray champion to that little one. This “moment” in their lives comes only once, so make the most of it. It may not be fair, but it is mom and dad who now have to insist on schedule and rules. You will help, sure, but you will also enjoy the irony.

The best memory for a toddler. The little one grows quickly. Before long you will be wrestling on the floor with little boys (and girls too). Soon you will be tossing a ball with the grandson and having a tea party with the granddaughter. A little older and you will be fishing, hiking, attending a little league game, or maybe sitting in church together. It often happens that grandma or grandpa is taken from this life unexpectedly and these times are the only memories a child may have of that grandparent. Build that memory into  him while you have the opportunity and he sees you as a gray champion of the faith. “In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, and his children will have a place of refuge” (Prov. 14:26).

Relationship with mom and dad

The parenting job is never done. You are watching your own children struggle through tough times and schedules trying to raise their own little ones. Josh Mulvihill said of this time, “Grandparents are the adjunct servants of the godly parent and the spiritual surrogate of the ungodly parent” (Discipling 16). You will have one job or the other.

They are still the parents. Just as you realize that these new parents are always your children, remember that these new grandchildren are their children, not yours. You are older, wiser, and have much more experience in raising children. You can give good advice in the proper moment, but in the end these new parents still have the final say. You have seen the classic depiction of the messing matriarch or the possessive patriarch. Those grandparents are unwisely pushing their kids and grandkids away rather than helping. It’s not that all situations require the same input. There might be dangerous decisions that need more direct advice, or it might be a simple matter of personal choice that is not your taste. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding” (Prov. 4:7).

You are the adjuncts. Webster’s #1 definition of adjunct is, “Something joined or added to another thing but not essentially a part of it.” Grandparents are certainly joined to the kids and grandkids and all have been added to one another by birth, marriage, and offspring, but of all three generations, grandparents are the least essential part. That’s not to minimize the grandparenting role, it is just to remember that “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). You did that once, now they are also doing the same.

You have a biblical role. That said, the Scripture emphasizes the patriarchal role and the godly influence elders have on the younger ones, whether in the church or in the home. “I will sing of the mercies of the LORD forever; with my mouth will I make known Your faithfulness to all generations” (Psa. 89:1). “Mark well her bulwarks; consider her palaces; that you may tell it to the generation following. For this is God, our God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death” (Psa. 48:13-14).  It is a dangerous and ungodly world these little ones are entering. They have no idea what lies ahead. Clear the path that they may walk in it.

Jobs for the Gray Champion

“Families are like flocks of sheep. Children, like lambs, are naïve and simple in their understanding of the world. Fathers are like sheepdogs, guarding the flock from marauding wolves. We protect our families from human predators and from corrupt television programs, movies, music, books, friends, and other people or influences that enter into a child’s life” (Rick Johnson, Better Dads, Stronger Sons, 26). Grandparents also take on a similar role. Though we have a secondary position, we are protective watchdogs also.

The gate-keeper. Moses admonished the parents of children to protect the gates of the home with godly warnings, “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deut. 6:9). David encouraged parents to produce children who would grow into maturity and “speak with their enemies in the gates” (Psa. 127:5). The gate-keepers, therefore, become very important to the family. The grandparenting role of gate-keeper takes on a different role from the parents, as we have been noticing. We are now in that advisory position to our children rather than always hands-on. We need to keep the communication lines open with children and grandchildren. Speaking, answering questions about doctrinal things is wonderful, but often the conversation is over common things such as finances, repairs, jobs. With the grandchildren it may be obedience, safety, school and friends. It may be also about how to bait a hook or dress a doll. These things allow wisdom to enter young lives.

The story teller. “This will be written for the generation to come, that a people yet to be created may praise the LORD” (Psa. 102:18). Reading to grandchildren is one of those wonderful blessings. I am also thinking of family history, how mother and father met, who aunts and uncles are, and especially how you came to Christ and what happens after salvation. Family history gives the children a necessary anchor in a big world.

The Christian example. This is the bottom line. When it is all said and done, eternity is all that will matter. Therefore, even in this life, what we do for Christ will matter most. Grandchildren have important years of growing to do. They also have huge decisions in life that must be made, maybe after grandparents are passed off the scene. You are now helping lay the foundation for important lives ahead. God will use the one who seeks Him.